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1. |
About This
04:00
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I don't know
Why I'm like this
It's not like
It's on purpose
Just somehow
I want to hurt less
Clawing down
Way past where I think I should look
Older wounds
Gone untreated
Scabbed and scarred
And then repeated
Recognize
What I've needed
I need help
How do I seek it out
(You're on your own)
Arguing with maladapted ties
(You're all alone)
(You don't deserve anything)
Stressing the seams, things are hardly contained
Distant and always on guard
(Just let me be)
I'm finding it hard to let go
Let's talk about this, about this, about this, about this
Let's talk about this, about this, about this, about this
Let's talk about this, about this, about this, about this
Let's talk about this, about this, about this, about this
I'm ready to try this, to try this, to try this, to try this
Let's talk about this, about this, about this, about this
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2. |
If You Insist
04:31
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If you insist, I can kill this plant for you.
It's on the list of things I can't help but do.
If you insist, I can fill my days with you.
I will subsist on the remaining few.
Cantilevering, enchanting, alluring
Lifelong you've rehearsed just for this
I can't hear the purring, just frantic assuring
I'll do what you want, if you insist
Dress up your distress
Pushing acquiesce
You want devotees
And it's draining the rest of me
Finally captured and deftly enraptured
An argument worth giving in
Forgetting the trade a hedonist made
You've twisted me tightly
To need you
I plead to you
How is it that I can please you
I need you
I plead to you
How is it that I can please you
I need you
I plead to you
How is it that I can please you
I need you
I plead to you
How is it that I can need you
I can do this
If you insist
I'll do this
If you insist
I can do this
If you insist
I'll do this
If you insist
I can do this
If you insist
I'll do this
If you insist
I can do this
But only if you insist
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3. |
Reciprocate
03:48
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I know that you're here
And you know what to do
But you're only sincere
When we talk about you
Is it too undefined?
Where do I underline?
You need to ask me
I'd like you to ask me
How I'm doing sometimes
How I'm doing sometimes
Please don't, please leave
It's weird, don't just compliment me
I need care, not your praise
You're surprised
Is it too much
Reciprocate
Reciprocate
Reciprocate
You're gentle post-dispute
Withdrawing absolutes
You just read the script
You fear what I might say
That I might break away
You renew your grip
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4. |
Will It Hurt?
03:53
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Another fall connecting dots feels tense
A pattern countered, can't another read stress?
A chewed up, dried out, backhand left in this strand
Practicing "I don't know what to say"
Remember all the words that used to keep you calmer
Laughter after a disaster eased the bother
In time I will just push you away
Attempted tamping ever cramping calls to
Repair the damage, fail to manage pause to
A massive passive crash outside of this plan
Cautiously opening to prevent a divide
Recanted offer, faltering below dirt
A promise or a wish inside the leftovers
In time I will just crawl inside
I
Sigh
Hide
Flee
These
Needs
Please
Rappelling shuttered blinds
Believe you if you say so
Kick back, get left behind
Will it hurt?
I'm afraid
Don't do this
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know what is good for me
I don't know what is good for me
I don't know what is good for me
I don't know
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5. |
Out of Time
03:31
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I need to protect you
From all sides
Nearing a breakthrough
Get fortified
And you decide
There's a lot of time
There's a lot of time
There's a lot of time
To lose
I'm waiting for my turn
It just takes time
Repeating a whisper
I'm next in line
There'll be a sign
There's a lot of time
There's a lot of time
There's a lot of time
To lose
There's a lot of time
There's a lot of time
There's a lot of time
To choose
Then you're driving toward
What you wanted more
But you've ridden there before
And you don't know
We're running out of time
We're running out of time
We're running out of time
We're out of time
Missed the cues
I wanted more
Like what I had before
But then again
I'm never sure
I recommend
Overextend
I'll try again
But I don't know when
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6. |
Sleep
02:42
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What's it like to sleep?
Just turning off sometime
You shrug like it's a given
Buzzing in the dark
So preoccupied
Relief feels so forbidden
Witching hour wanes
Every minute gains
An increasing of pressure
The next day will break
I'll just stay awake
Forever
Blushing sap of dawn
You'd think I would slow down
But this is unrelenting
The haze of the day
Puts me in the ground
But when I'm finally allowed it's back
Unending
Repeated grief in silence
Recalling older violence
Regrets and guilt and shame
Another night expires
For someone to admire
And yet still I feel
The same
I wish I could sleep
I just wish I could sleep
I wish I could sleep
I just wish I could sleep
I wish I could sleep
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7. |
Come Inside
05:18
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His laugh's disarming
He's relaxed but always on
He's on a ride and we can come along
Naturally effusive when he fuels us
With tales that may otherwise confuse us
The longer that we look
The longer our stargazing
The heavier he puts
On his spectacle of staging
Come inside
Where it's warm
Come inside
You'll be cared for
Fresh coat of paint
Yet the ceiling strains
The creaks beneath our feet
Make us ask why
We justify
Behind festivity
Underneath this mating call
Lies humanity neglected after all
We spin around, feel shook
Where's the promise from before?
This home feels like the den of a carnivore
The light in his eyes fades
And with it, our hope for rescue
In a deceptive display
He convinced us to
Come inside
He locks the door
Come inside
To be ignored
Shoulder the chains
Prevent escape
Until we eventually cave
It somehow feels safe
And we say thanks
So come inside
So come inside
Forget our needs
Follow his advice
He wants the best for us apostles
Suppress our greed
It's not enough to give our will,
Our faith, our pain, our body and soul
So come inside
So come inside
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8. |
Cast
03:47
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There are plenty of fish left
In the water
Drifting in and out of your boat
As you sink
You may find plugging up the holes
Quite a bother
How else will the fish get in?
Don’t you think?
Wherever that you stand
There's a drop there
Behind every step that you draft
Disintegrates
Supposing the chase is all
A self-propelled scare
Imagine you stop to look
And just wait
You're peeling apart
And you have a lot of heart
You can read it on your face
It'll get you displaced
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9. |
The Expense
04:15
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I lose my identity
It's no longer safe and I leave
But where to? There's nowhere else I can be
I resume what I do, vacantly
I shelter up and protect
What little's left in my chest
Let visitors in with suspense
Await the expense
I listen and watch with intent
Noticing clues, truths inside the indents
Try deduce what's behind this event
The face and the show, both pretend
Receded in my place
The corner at the end of the chase
Biding time, and resign
And erase
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10. |
For Andre
05:04
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Clidesfeld Minneapolis, Minnesota
Clidesfeld is a project by Brandon Patrick Sullivan. Largely characterized by distortion, tension, and reflection, Clidesfeld is inconsistent in tone and texture.
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